::BlogTherapy::

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

It's over....
i have no feelings for him...
never had
it was just a game...
it was over before it started..
he is wrong..
very wrong..
i cant help
it's over and i am happy;..

+posted by linda 8:11 PM


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

wat have I done???
What???
I am not in Love...
I am not...
I want out
I want fucking out...
Please..I Want to return the fucking ring...
The book
The promise
I dont want any of this
I want myself back
My old self
Somebody please help me..
Ah I am fucking things up again
What the fuck I am doing???

+posted by linda 5:02 PM


Friday, November 11, 2005

He loves me .. He loves me not
Yeah I have become one of those gals...
Every morning I wake up in love, by noon I have my doubts and comes afternoon I have persuaded myself to forget him forever...
And then I stare at phone for one last call... waiting and waiting,sometimes I even put the phone on silent.. so I dont hear anything, but what's the use I check it every ten seconds..
I have stopped writing since he has entered my life
I dread my own photography since then..I am not me anymore
I walk on clouds in the mornings, and by night I am an emotional mess..
and then right when I am so sure that I am done with him
Damn the phone rings : "Hello love.." and I begin to cry...
Ahhhhhhhhh what's wrong with me????
He loves me ... He loves me not I tell myself everyday
I have never been so happy in my life and yet so unsure...
He told me I am the one...
I looked at him in the pool hall and was so sure that I have no feelings for him.. " He is ugly, dump him right here.."
And he came to me and kissed me and damn I couldnt let go of him...
Last night I begged him not to hang up the phone cause I will miss him...
when saying goodbye I said : I love you,...
"Say it again," He replied
- I love you
-Now you mean it
_ I love you
- I love you too, bye
It's so hard being in love, I have to get it out of my chest
I think he is ugly,. but damn it I love him
Why???
I was holding tight to him the other night and didnt want to leave
He said :" Believe me I dont want anything more than staying here till morning and make love to you, but you have to go they are waiting for you.."
Maybe it's just physicall, but we havent even had sex
He said he would hold on to it...
He said we can give it time...
He said he love me..
I am not sure...
He said he knows I am not sure yet, but he is..
I wish he was a liar, a cheat, a recluse..
Maybe he is...
I am glad he is ugly...
I can leave him anytime I want
I cant have kids with an ugly guy
But then I saw that picture of him holding his baby cousin telling me : they are so cute when they are this age....
And I almost cried..
I love him... I love him not
I am affriad to trust him...
I am ..
I am...
I love him damn it
I DO...
I DO LOVE HIM
I dont want to fuck this one up...

+posted by linda 9:05 PM


Monday, January 17, 2005

If I leave.... I don't want a tear
If leave..dont call me weak... I wasnt, or maybe I was...
I left so many times before..but this is the final time
There is no exit... I am gonna end it all..
She gave me her blessing.. She told me if you want to end it, End it..
I did wanted to hear it from her... the very being who gave me life... she permitted me to take it away from myself..
I am done.. Yeah it was a useless life.. It wasn't worth shit..It was as fruitless as it got
I wasn't meant to be a looser, a depressive, a sad, a lonely,nobody..
I was a kid like all others,.. I wasn't this monster I turned out to be... I was born like all others..
I was all life, all life...
It didn't turned out that well after all...
Fuck there is no perfection in this damn world, there is no right and wrong../
Some make it..I didn't
Some become somebody... I will never be one
Some are able to enjoy it, I was merely an observer.. who only could feel the pain
Happiness wasn't in my agenda..
Damn this " I, I,I..."
Who am I to complain?? A kid in Africa???
I was born with a fucking silver spoon in my mouth...I live in Suburbs of California...
There are families in this world who live on 20$/month...
I spent 20$ on my coffee last month...
I've got no right to complain.. ......
It was what it was... It was a fucking long road which was thrown down my way..
I wanted nothing more than all other gals that I went to high school with..
They got what I wanted..I got 10 times more,but nothing that I wanted.
My story has no beggining,middle and End..My story is a boring pursit of Trivias...
My story's climaxe is a young gal, walking alone in the richest suburbs of California smoking and crying on Friday nights...
My story is about broken dreams.. forgotten desires..
Its not quite an story...
It's two years of numbness on antidepressants...
Its 5 years of running in the same circle...
It's hundred years of solitude...
I need to take the matters in my hand and End it all...
I need a fucking end

+posted by linda 8:00 PM


Sunday, October 10, 2004

It's not about loosing the battle
It's about loosing the Fire...

I don't see anything..
I don't care about the fucking light, at the end of the tunnel....
It's not real

I want to end it, the way that it won't hurt anyone
I want it to end like it all started...

It's no gift that I've got
It's a curse...

I am a curse
To everybody around me

God if you exist,
Please help me to end this pain

I dont wanna go on anymore

I am done with life
Thanks for the memories...
It was lovely
I have no complaints

It was absoultley lovely

Now it's time to go...
I don't want to take all this pain
If I could I would, but I can't

I need to go...
I need to go...
I need to .....
I need...
I.....
Goodbye, my love
Life


+posted by linda 1:43 AM


Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Shaeranaeh

And the sister said :" I even told Auntie, you know that you spend all your money on books, magazines and these stuff... That you never buy yourself something good.."
Books, books, and books.... That was all she wanted from life
Books were words, and words were dreams, and dreams were magic...
And the perfection...
All that lacked in her life
She was never an easy child, she was never a loyal friend, she was never a perfect student, she was never there when her siblings needed her..She wasn't that honest, she wasn't pretty, she never had a lover...
Her life was not even remotely ideal...The reality was nothing that she wanted to believe in...
Dreams were what she took refuge in...They were the reality that she wanted to believe in...
Words came into his life very soon and swept her off her feet,immersed her, and never let go of her, or maybe she never let go of them..
She fall in Love but it was far away, it wasn't possible... Love snubbed her forever...
But she read stories in which Love was possible, where people were honest to themselves and didn't ignore each other...
Love wasn't an instant of pleasure, it was eternal.. Even death couldn't do a thing to it...Even death
She looked for honesty and she never found it, the more she looked the less she found..
But then there were poetry ..It was the truth...
She saw the magic.. She felt it...It was right there, that was all she wanted
Words swept her off her feet.... Dreams became her reality and reality left her life for good...
Books made her invincible..
She was never into counting her pennies anyways...

+posted by linda 9:02 PM


Tuesday, September 21, 2004

I am not scared of the world anymore
I am not scared of the life anymore
Yes it's frightening but I am going to overcome all the fears
I am going to make it
I am going to Love Myself and lead a very very Happy life....
I am ready to roll...
I am ready...
I am going to make it
I am going to make it...
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready

+posted by linda 10:08 AM


Todos os direitos reservados - Civana ® 2004

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